I went by the field of a slacker and by the vineyard of one lacking sense. Thistles had come up everywhere, weeds covered the ground, and the stone wall was ruined. I saw and took it to heart; I looked and received instruction: a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the arms to rest, and your poverty will come like a robber, and your need like a bandit. Proverbs 24: 30-34

You will probably relate with me on some level when I tell this story. The Lord had made Himself gloriously known in my need. Our family had been attacked from every angle– physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. Our family in Christ rallied around us. Powerful Spirit-filled prayers bombarded heaven on our behalf. Fasting was offered up in obedient spiritual battle.

For months I sought His face. I worshipped through tears, steadfastly accepting His will and proclaiming His omnipotence through the valley of the unknown. I had never experienced this degree of trial. I had no control. It was excruciating yet, paradoxically, that intense dependence on Jesus brought me so peacefully near to Him. He was carrying me. Simultaneously, my spiritual garden was being cultivated as my flesh was being crucified . As I resolved to keep my eyes on Jesus, He showed me all of my weaknesses, every tendency toward sin. It was devastating to see my flaws revealed by crisis but it was also productive. The fruits of the Spirit were miraculously ripening within me. Despite my fleshly fear, I could not go ten minutes without recognizing His loving, compassionate, provisional hand on our lives in the most realistic way. My Savior and I were one and I held on to him for dear life as He fought for me.

Then it all came together…..the breakthrough everyone had faithfully petitioned for. It was glorious. I wept for days at my Lord’s goodness. I was a spiritual millionaire and I was exhausted in every way imaginable…..

My spiritual garden had been tilled. The plants were healthy and strong. Every weed around was gone. The wall that protected my garden from the elements and from the enemy was tall and sturdy. I was safe. My family was healing. I needed rest and so I rested.

The next part of the story happened incredibly quickly. Somehow an intended short Sabbath of physical and emotional rest transitioned into a season of mind-numbing Spiritual neglect. In my “rest,” I stopped seeking God. There was no conscious decision but at some point, I stopped reading His Word. I stopped praying without ceasing. I stopped listening. My awareness of God was present but no longer personal. I continued to go through the motions, but my connection to my Lord was lost. I had unintentionally become a spiritual slacker.

I woke up one day and did not recognize myself. During my spiritual shutdown, I lost sight of Jesus. I had neglected the spiritual garden that the Lord had so graciously grown. Destructive weeds were covering the ground. Thorns were beginning to overtake the healthy plants. What fruit was thriving? Sadness. Impatience. Discontent. Anger. Bitterness. Jealousy. Anxiety was battering the protective stone wall that God had erected for my protection. My garden was in disarray because I had looked away from the One who tends it.

King Solomon, the author of Proverbs, was the wisest man who ever existed, yet even he was not immune to the tendency to recognize and proclaim God’s greatness,,,,,and then slowly drift away. On the day he noticed a neglected vineyard, he knew that the Lord was talking to him…..warning him to stay connected to Him. Solomon was reminded to be vigilant and purposeful in his companionship with God. Relationships take work. He knew when it was prudent to receive instruction from God and take it to heart. And so should we. If the Holy Spirit is talking to you today and you know your once thriving spiritual garden has been neglected, please do not ignore this loving invitation from your Savior to come back to where He is. He is waiting for you to connect with Him so He can make you healthy again. Through Jeremiah, the Lord told us all how to find Him when He said, “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”(Jeremiah 29:13)

When the Holy Spirit revealed the condition of my garden to me, I was suddenly aware of my fall into poverty, and I was ashamed. There was no one to blame but me. I got lazy. I asked for forgiveness and restoration. And here’s the most awesome part of the whole story…..God heard my cry and responded in love. There was no rebuking or angry finger-pointing, which was what I had earned. In that moment with God, there was only a sweet drawing back into communion with the One who longs for my spiritual garden to flourish in His presence. He wants the same thing for you. He loves you. Look for Him wholeheartedly and He will be found.

So David said to Joab and the commanders of the troops, “Go and count Israel from Beer-sheba to Dan and bring a report to me so I can know their number.” 1 Chronicles 21:2

Have you ever noticed the emphasis we place on numbers in our society? What is your yearly salary? What is your net worth? What year was your vehicle made? What are your body measurements? What zip code do you live in? How many likes, friends, and followers do you have on social media? How many calories have you consumed today? How much did your jeans cost? How many times per year do you take your family on vacation? The world has told us we have to constantly prove our worth by measuring up to our friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and complete strangers. Satan says, “Look around. Compare yourself to others. Compare your life to your own ideas of what you think your life should be. You’re not happy. You’re not valuable. You’re not productive. You’re not anything unless your numbers are competitive.” We have all fallen for the lie that our numbers define us.

In 1 Chronicles 21:2, we read that even King David fell prey to the lies of Satan. Scripture tells us that Satan incited David to count the people of Israel. Why did David want to count his people? Was there some rational necessity for counting them? 1 Chronicles 21:2 tells us where David’s heart was. It says, “So David said to Joab and the commanders of the troops, ‘Go and count Israel from Beer-sheba to Dan and bring a report to me so I can know their number.'”

Why did David want to know how many people were in his kingdom? He listened to the lie that said he somehow had to prove himself outside of God. He just wanted to know their number so he could feel accomplished. Pride and a desire to boost his ego drove David to get the numbers so he could show himself that he was strong, competitive, valuable, and good enough. So in spite of wise counsel against it, David had Israel counted. Now, counting people and analyzing statistics can appear to be benign and harmless. David could have spun the lie that the whole year spent counting the people was necessary, but in the end, David could not deny to himself, nor to God, that his motive was sinful. When the numbers came in they were enormous, but David could not rejoice. All he could feel was conviction. 1 Chronicles 21:8 explains, “David said to God, ‘I have sinned greatly because I have done this thing. Now, please take away your servant’s guilt, for I have been very foolish.'”

God disciplined David for his sin. Even though David’s analysis of his people showed he had over one million armed men, they were nothing compared to God’s power. God sent one angel with one sword and seventy thousand Israelite men were wiped out in an instant. The angel was then poised to destroy the city of Jerusalem, but God stopped him. What happened? David repented and humbled himself before the LORD. He stopped trying to build himself up and acknowledged that he had nothing, not one ounce of power, if the LORD was not with him. 1 Chronicles 21:26 says, “He built an altar to the LORD there and offered burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. He called on the LORD and He answered him with fire from heaven on the altar of burnt offering.” David realized he could not even offer a burnt offering without using what provision God was willing to give him.

Here is the bottom line of what God has been speaking to me about lately. We have got to stop paying so much attention to the numbers. Just stop looking at them! In the spiritual realm, our earthly numbers mean nothing. The truth is that we can have everything earthly, combine it with zero obedience — and accomplish nothing for the Kingdom of God…. what a waste! On the other hand, we can have what the world defines as nothing, add obedience, and watch as God multiplies our nothing into great and miraculous things for His glory!

Aren’t you tired yet of competing in the numbers game? It’s a roller coaster that never ends. God never intended for us to play that earthly game. It is rooted in pride. We think making comparisons will build our self-esteem, make us more productive, yet the results always end with feelings of shame and failure. We will never be able to keep up with the numbers.

If you find yourself, like I sometimes do, falling into Satan’s trap by daily comparing the numbers, analyzing the statistics, and defining yourself by the results, I encourage you to stop it. Acknowledge your pride. Humble yourself before the only One God you need in order to complete your purpose in Him. Transfer your faith from the numbers…. to Jesus. He gives you value. He gives you strength. He fights for you. He gives you wisdom. He gives you vision. He gives you courage. He gives you peace. In Him alone is the power to rescue you from your enemy and from the judgement to come.

One chapter over from one of David’s greatest mistakes of putting his faith in the numbers instead of the LORD, we find David at the end of his life. As he gives his final words of wisdom to his son, Solomon and the leaders of Israel, he summed up the best advice he had for them, given his own lifetime of experiences with success and failure. In 1 Chronicles 22:19, instead of saying build the biggest kingdom you can build, David says this to them, “Now determine in your mind and heart to seek your God.” David had finally figured it out. There was nothing, no number on earth, as great as the One true God. If you have Him, you have everything.

“Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the LORD and wept with many tears.” 1 Samuel 1:10

On that morning, I grasped my two children’s hands as we quickly entered their school campus. We were just barely on time, as usual. I forcefully grinned at the other parents and teachers who had obviously been early, as I dragged my children along toward their classes, trying to beat the morning late bell. As we rushed past people, I silently wondered if they could tell that I had purposely waited until the last minute to wake the kids because, in my own struggle, I dreaded the responsibilities of the day. I had squeezed every second of solitude out of the morning until there was not a second left to spare. I wondered if people could tell that I had then proceeded to hurry my children through the morning routine with sharp tones and harsh directives, as if they were the reason we were running late. I imagined everyone could sense the heavy anxiety that sat on my chest like a bag of rocks, causing me to inhale deeply in order to just catch each breath.

With a mild sense of success, each child was hugged and left at their classrooms — on time. So I walked down the sidewalk toward my car, passing parents who were later than me and I greeted them with the same forced smile as I tried to silently communicate that I empathize with them and their battle to be on time. Suddenly, I realized I needed to step up my pace. I had to get back to the car fast because IT was coming. With every step, it welled up in my chest, flooded up into my throat, and overflowed out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I wiped the silent tears as they streamed down. Panicked, I scrambled into the car, closed the door, turned the ignition, and pulled out…. just in time. While driving away, the dam opened and emotion flowed freely. I cried. Loud aching sobs shook my body.

I cried because of my own inadequacies. I cried out of worry that my children will feel inadequate like me. I cried in fear that the rest of the world would see through my “put together” façade and call my bluff. I cried as I thought of the self-created visions I had made for my life and because they hadn’t come to fruition yet. I cried because they might never come to fruition the way I had dreamed. I cried because I felt selfish for wanting more than God had already given me. I cried because of the sheer amount of suffering and sin I see all around me and I don’t know how to fix it. I cried because life feels so unpredictable and I can’t control it. I cried because I often feel like I’m failing at parenting, careering, and ministering. I even cried because it felt weak that I was crying.

I wish I could say that that episode was a rare occasion…..being overcome by the thoughts and feelings that naturally occur as a result of living out this life in a fallen world. The truth is, though, that I just get tired and I feel overwhelmed sometimes. Hannah, in the Book of 1 Samuel was no different. Life had not turned out for Hannah like she had dreamed. She was married to a man who loved her but year after year, she could not conceive. More than anything, she wanted a son. 1 Samuel 1:10 says, “Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the LORD and wept with many tears.”

As Hannah wept, expressing her pain through her tears, she turned her soul toward God and prayed intensely. The Scripture says she moved her lips silently while she prayed and wept. Eli, the priest, saw her and accused her of being drunk but Hannah corrected him. In 1 Samuel 1:15-16, Hannah said to Eli, “No, my lord, I am a woman with a broken heart. I haven’t had any wine or beer; I’ve been pouring out my heart before the LORD. Don’t think of me as a wicked woman; I’ve been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment.”

Hannah was so sad and confused. She had asked God for years to hear her prayer and answer it, and on this particular day she allowed herself to feel her emotions. But notice that she did not get lost in her feelings…. she did not go off the deep end and sink so deep into her sadness and anger that she lost sight of her God. No, she did not turn away from God. Instead of just crying, she cried OUT to God. She cried with purpose. Doesn’t that make sense?

Why would we want to waste one bit of our energy, time, or tears on useless crying when we can turn our aching souls and cry out to the God who has the power to change our situations or give us peace in the midst of the circumstances we must walk through? Why wouldn’t we want to cry out to the God who sacrificed everything so that we could spend eternity with Him? The world says it’s pointless to cry but God does not think that. Crying out is not a sign that we don’t trust Him. Crying out to Him is evidence that we acknowledge our need for Him to make things right around us and in us. Crying out to Him means that we have submitted our hearts to His sovereignty and His love. Like Hannah, God wants us to come to Him with our burdens, our fears, our grief, our confusion, our weariness, and our longings. He is listening.

Now if you read on in 1 Samuel, you will see that Hannah’s prayer was answered in the way she requested — but that will not always be the case. When we are truly submitted to God’s will, we know that only He knows what is the very best for us and for His kingdom. Read what Hebrews 5:7-9 tells us about Jesus:

“During His earthly life, He offered prayers and appeals with loud cries and tears to the One who was able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverence. Though He was God’s Son, He learned obedience through what he suffered. After He was perfected, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him…..”

Even Jesus cried. He cried out to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Abba, Father! All things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me. Nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.” (Mark 14:36) When we cry out to God, His grace will allow us align our will with His will, even when His will wasn’t what we originally wanted.

Next time you feel the overwhelming urge to cry, for whatever reason, know that you are in good company. Instead of just crying though, take the opportunity to bow your heart to your God–the Lover of Your Soul, the One who made the way for your salvation by the sacrifice of His own Son– tell Him all about what you think, what you think you need, and how you feel. Cry out to Him. He is listening.

www.facebook.com/ginnykbrantley/